Forty 🎂

The day has come. Truth be told I never thought that much about turning forty until the beginning of the year when it became painfully obvious.

They say humans are really bad at thinking about the future. Many people have too little money saved for retirement, much less every day needs. We generally agree that the future is ahead and bad things will happen if we don’t prepare and take action but we often don’t. Climate change may be the most pressing example.

***

I can remember my dad when he was forty, I was four years old. I remember he was a corporate lighting salesman, he took me to his office once and he had a Plymouth Horizon with an FM Stereo radio that played classical music. We always had some of the newest light bulbs like energy saving fluorescents in our house as he got them from work samples. To think I’m that age now. I’m also in my prime earning years, I have the nice office too though no company car as I don’t travel for work. But I do see that level of maturity creeping into my life.

I don’t feel forty. I don’t think of myself a staid old business person, a boring conservative always dressed for success, carefully evaluating the stock market and thinking about my retirement and owning my own land. Carefully investing, building my net worth, catching the same bus to work every day. Constantly looking for personal growth by learning new skills. But that’s who I’ve become. I might be fun outside of work but I am serious when it comes to business.

***

Forty seemed impossible but fifty is self evident.

If you told me ten years ago when I turned thirty that I would be forty in ten years I would have said, yes, whatever. Mathematically it makes sense and it was bound to happen assuming that something didn’t kill me in the mean time. But when you are thirty, forty seems impossibly far away. Mature, mid life seems so distant from forty. Maybe because I envisioned something different for age forty that never happened. They say the safest prediction is no change at all or a simple following of the trend line of what currently is happening within its reasonable limits.

Fifty on the other hand seems so logical. I can see being fifty at this point, it really doesn’t seem to be that far away. A few seasons come and gone, a progression of sunsets and sunrises. Probably a much shorter time period than the ten years past. I already have clear goals and plans, grounded in past experience and wisdom and are well aware of the compounding nature of all things in life.

In my thirties I wasn’t ignorant of growing older or my future. I have been investing in a diverse amount of devices both for retirement and goals and necessities closer to the future. I have been a careful student of the economy, carefully following market trends and investing. I have lived frugal. I knew about the future but I didn’t think it forty happen so soon. I feel like I have fallen behind, especially with the down markets of recent thought I realize I am in better shape than a lot of people and I still have years before I retire and I work hard and have opportunities remaining for promotion or better paying jobs. I’ve developed some very useful skills. But I’m watching the clock tick by so quickly.

***

“Don’t look so sad, I know it’s over, but life goes on and this world will keep on spinning. Just be glad we had some time to spend together.”

When you are forty you realize that time goes by so quickly. That things that seem to be permanent really are temporary and will be gone so quickly. While things and even friendships can be replaced it will never be the same. But memories matter of the good times.

Every time I slam the door on my truck another piece of rust falls off. I was it and have tried painting and repairing the rust but I know the future too well. Big Red has had a few breakdowns and it’s over 100,000 miles now and eleven and a half years old. There are a few adventures left in Red but I understand the future. There will never be another Big Red. But I’ll have the memories forever.

My 25 year old used cross country skis finally started to show their age. I am seeing the cracks in them get worse. The poles and the boots aren’t much better. They’re probably going to be needing replacement in the next year. But I have a lot of good memories with the ones I’ve used – ones that have been glued and repaired several times far beyond when people have said to replace them.

My apartment of 15 plus years is getting really shabby in part because of the abuse and neglect especially when I was in my twenties. I didn’t want to bother my landlord unnecessarily to fix a leak under the sink trap which honestly I didn’t discover until it pretty bad. I like my place, it’s cheap but like so many things I have countless memories in I know it will likely end in the next decade. I’ll move on but I’ll keep the memories.

My parents are always reading the obituaries to see who they know have passed away. I don’t do that though increasingly on Facebook I read of people passed away from Elementary and High School, especially old teachers and some colleagues. I can only imagine the loss of the coming decade of my life. The generation of my parents and the adults that I’ve known over the years are aging out. I know it’s important to enjoy the remaining time and the cherish the memories I have.

***

A better me.

That’s my hope for the coming decade – my Mission Fifty. I am well aware I won’t be able to continue my life of my thirties even though tonight, my final night of my thirties I’m camping out in the wilderness under the moonlit. But I know these adventures in the current form are long in the tooth.

I’ve enjoyed my independence for years. I like spending time alone in the wilderness, having big fires and burning things. But since at least last summer it’s becoming more and more obvious that these kind of adventures are a throw back to who I was in my thirties and even twenties. I see many of my friends and colleagues settling down, buying houses, raising families and homesteading their own land with pigs, tractors and other livestock. While I’m still on my dumpy apartment from my twenties that I abused in my younger years, spending many a moonlit night in the woods.

I have thought about settling down, maybe looking for a girl and owning my own land. Maybe joining a Rod and Gun Club, doing more social activities outside of work. But right now I’m focused on earning money and trying to sustain a life that in many ways is a throwback to an earlier period in my life. It’s cheap compared to where I am in my career but it doesn’t seem that way due to investing in my future. But I know things can’t last forever. Things are getting old and worn out. Time is marching on.

I do have a lot of dreams and ideas and I’m working on getting there this coming decade through improving my health by reducing calories and keeping up my walking program, growing my investments and retirement. Continue to learn and gain new skills every day both for personal and professional use. But as detailed as Mission Fifty is on paper and in my mind, I know it takes into account only what I know today and my current realities and not what the future may by good or bad luck hold for me.

***

There’s a lot for me to think about on this cold moon lit night in January wilderness camping, as I close out my final hours of being in my thirties. There is a lot of challenges and unknowns ahead. But between my professional successes and my commitment to my future by saving, investing and living frugally I’m making a lot of progress.

It’s hard to imagine I’ll be fifty – a half century old in little more than ten years – but it is a lot easier for me to imagine at age 40. I do believe the best is yet to be come as I sit next to the fire, ready soon to retire to bed.